Written by: Nigel Edokpolo (Registered Psychotherapist- Qualifying)
There are problems and difficulties in all relationships, and sometimes everything can seem too overwhelming. The thought process of “if we cannot fix our problems, no one else can” is a thing of the past; now, couples of all ages and genders are able to seek assistance within their relationship as a step toward bettering themselves. The primary goal of couples therapy isn’t to prove who was right and who was wrong each and every week. It’s to prove to one another that disagreement in arguments may happen, but how can we understand that the problem at hand is not one another but the problem itself, whether that be a difference in lifestyle, the difference in ideals, or just likes and dislikes. Fears or common parts when trying therapy out and, of course, when you consider couples therapy that may become doubled from the fear of yourself, and now your partner and or three fears with yourself your partner end the relationship and those worries can turn into stressors, anxieties may start funnelling negative thoughts through your head. Still, I’m here to tell you that those feelings are valid, but you should also consider the opposite, the benefits of couples therapy.
• Allows for an objective third party to hear both sides of the story while being able to stay impartial, unlike friends and family.
• A professional and or professional in training with qualified skills in different therapy styles to help problem solve and find the root of the cause.
• A safe, nonjudgmental environment where you can feel comfortable to express all of your opinions.
• Teaches skills so that in the future, you and your partner will be better equipped to handle arguments or fights without attending therapy.
Therapy is not forever; some people, based on their circumstances, may attend therapy for several years, but it is temporary. The purpose of individual and couples sessions is to provide skills that can be used regularly and give people a sense of empowerment and, in particular, for the purposes of this blog, that empowerment of couples. Throughout couples therapy, there are times for you to be vulnerable and express concerns that alone might be difficult or sensitive to discuss. These issues can boil down to masculine norms, gender norms, sexual identity, financial stability, etc.
Couples therapy can be thought-provoking and eye-awakening as this gives the opportunity to learn more about your partner’s wants and needs. Maybe before, they needed to be more comfortable with call exploration of who you are with and what you can do to better provide for them and yourself. Throughout couple therapy, the individual interest is as important as the couples. In contrast, the couple is the main focus; it does not mean that you as a person are excluded as your thoughts and feelings are valued. People sometimes fear airing their “dirty laundry” and the issue of being judged, but in couples therapy, it’s the reinforcement that IT IS you and your partner against the problem. It can be scary, and it will be tough, but nothing good ever comes easy, as the expression goes.
Working together collaboratively can be used as an activity the both of you are trying to build. Another way to view it can be seen as a cooperative board game where you and your partner have to overcome obstacles and hurdles to win, and the prize is a deeper understanding and appreciation of one another. All coupes have fights and problems, just like all individuals have internal discords and you learn more about yourself in these moments. There are various types of couples and just because you feel that your relationship does not fit others around or your definition does not mean it is wrong, yet unique.
“A great relationship is about two things. First, appreciating the similarities and Second, respecting the differences.”
Having different opinions on matters does not mean right and wrong; it is about expressing yourself respectably and healthily. In couples therapy, we look towards improving strengths and highlighting what works well in the relationship. It is not always what is wrong and what needs to be worked on, as each of you brings in positives and strengths, which is used in couples therapy to highlight the resilience of your relationship. Relationships are not easy, nor is couples therapy. Still, you only get somewhere by trying and in couples therapy, it is just another level of trying to improve with the one you cherish